Posts Tagged ‘Religion & Spirituality’

Hidden Disabilities

September 22, 2014


Looking at the glass half full. I got my Pilates workout in and the cool thing about my machine is it has a trampoline I can change out from the Pilates bar. No stress on bladder. You Lie down and jump “It is really cool!” It is a really great workout and none evasive to the joints.

I chose the trampoline because I tried to take a walk today with Chloe, and she wouldn’t let me go. My l-5 and SI disc is starting to hurt and walking was painful. Chloe knew!

If we don’t use it we lose it. As a person living with multiple health conditions it is absolutely important to keep the body and spine as strong as I can. Working out releases endorphin’s, and endorphin’s feel good.



Severe Pain suffering

March 4, 2014

Here it comes and God help me! Chloe is really doing her job even though I hurt I try to get out as best as I can. Chloe is grounding 100% because she doesn’t want me to walk. Good girl Chloe!

What do I do? I have endured insane pain since the middle of Feb  2014 the original pain triggered end of Jan, 2014. It is “Trying my soul” both physically, emotionally and spiritually. My spirituality is so important to me and all I can do is hang on to the belief that God is with me since I spiritually beat. To beat to pound on Gods door. My sanity has turned into a Sunami and I don’t know how to save myself.

I have been on the muscle relaxers the pain killers, and tried meds that added more pain like headaches. I would like my simple life back. My simple life would “Beg to differ” by most as it comes with managing pain, and fatigue that leaves a person paralyzed.

I know how to do Fibromyalgia and CFID, but add this and it is spiritual insanity and physically a living death.

It is the day after my injection not thinking of anything but positive thoughts about the medical treatment became a huge let down. I tried to walk a half a block per request to take it easy and not push by my PA. I am in excruciating pain and disappointed with my self. Along with this lack of exercise is the food that I eat and how to stay healthy with my weight because I am not able to move. I have chosen my Chronic Fatigue Immune Disease (CFID) plan no carbohydrates except air popped popcorn, veggies, legumes, and lean protein. It is a strict discipline, but a good one.

I am calling doc tomorrow to let him know that I am not doing well. “More shall be revealed!”

Finally no more crutches!

Finally no more crutches!

Finally doc appointment today. The last seven days have felt like a month of nauseating and excruciating back pain of suffering. This also meant it was a time for Chloe’s training out and about at the doctors today.

Chloe is a one year old puppy this month and still in her training years. Training a pup takes consistency both physically and mentally it is a twenty-four seven job and I am the one to do it!

Our visit at the doc went well. Chloe felt the need to stray away when people would make comments about her because she knows when people are talking about her, smart cookie! This is normal behavior for a service dog in training. Keeping their is crucial. In the patient room she was put in “Down” command which is hard for any pup for any period of time. She stayed down until the PA came in. She got up to greet him and then I had to direct her to “Down” command. She became startled when the PA started to work on my back as she already is watching over me. Chloe was put back into “Down” command. My teacher said I always “Win” which means my diligence has to supersede any thought of throwing my hands up in the air.

My Physician Assistant (PA) Mike is fabulous and is always up and on it when it comes to my healthcare. He has been treating this nerve condition for a few years now. It is now become more prevalent. He said that I need to keep the inflammation down. The mode of action is first a shot of cortisone in arm that will go all over to help with the nerve pain, topical compound cream for the area in question, muscle relaxer and pain pills to keep the inflammation down if needed. The shot should help for the next few days and then repeat the shot if needed. If this continues then we will restructure my care. This means being sent to a specialist to have the nerves in my spine treated to stop the pain.

My PA knows how important it is to keep my core strong and he know that my Pilates Machine is important to my health care. He was supportive in the fact that if I cannot do the Pilates Machine then I will be in more trouble than I am now.

I shared with my PA that me world is narrowing and he reminded me that I do a lot of good stuff for someone suffering with this disease and wants me to keep my goals going as it gives me life and a sense of “Importance” and “Contribution” to the world.

Looking forward to a new day tomorrow. WOOF!

The Hayliegh Project

December 5, 2012

Here is the article I was asked to write about the benefits of both me and my service dogs use of LDN. I still have to live w/ this horrific disease and lately it has attacked my stomach as if my appendix’s has ruptured.

About my service dog she has gained full use of her back leg that was once atrophied and not of any use.  She is surviving cancer w/ no suffering. Hayliegh still keeps working for me as she wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, but w/ me.

I have purchased a Burley tail wagon for her this way we can stay together where ever go.

Every day I ask God to show me what I can do to give back to the world while living w/ this disease and while being home.  I also share what Hayliegh and I do while we are home.


We are on page 7 & 8

I love you Hayliegh Muffins!

I love you Hayliegh Muffins!

Hayliegh’s World

November 30, 2012
love in the first degree!

love in the first degree!

Canine Kisses?    

     Those soulful brown eyes of Hayliegh’s run deep with an all knowing spirit. While the coffee is brewing, I go and give her kisses while we greet the day saying “A happy girl makes a happy day,” “Good morning God,” “You’re the prettiest girl in town” and “Good morning, sunshine girl.”  We go out for a few minutes then back in and have time to sit in the living room. She sits in either on her dogie blanket or the beautiful tapestry wing chair while I do my bible study and spiritual mantras. If I don’t stick with the plan and get caught in the bedroom, she will do this little bark/grumble and come to get me.  She wants me back in the living room.

Hayliegh and I have our own dogie talk. It is really cute. I say in a twangy voice as I am looking at her, “Hayliegh is my partner in crime” and then my dear friend Jori finishes the saying “And you guys are criminals” as we roll the last word out slow with an off voice. I say to Hayliegh “You are the cutest girl in town” rolling out the last word. She will bark and give me a very low woof.  Then we look at each other and I try to predict what she is going to do next, from a low bark to a grumble, as we go back and forth for a while. Hayliegh has our plan all figured out.

Hayliegh and I have our own sign language one is “I see you and you see me.”  I point two fingers at her and then two fingers back at me. I have also taught her good heart by touching my chest and hers with flat hand, she knows “smart girl” as I indicate a flat hand on top of my head or hers. The most special one she has learned is “I love you because you love me.”  The “I love you” is one finger pointed out at her and then two fingers back to me finishes the “you love me.”  I have taught her both by sight voice and touch in case any one of her senses goes out.

We have some games we like to play and one of them is that I say I am going to get her and she will run as fast as she can past me. I have to try and pat her bum; if I can I win, if I can’t she wins.  You know you can actually see her smile. I love to see her run as fast as she can down the hallway, her ears flopping and a smile on her face because she knows it is treat time. Another game is she will start to talk to me by grumbling a small low bark and I try to mimic her sounds, and then I try to do what she is going to at the same time. While we do this she is looking straight at me and I have taught her by touch in case one of her senses goes out.

    They say our dog takes after us and I always thought I learned from her.  She is a filled with all the love in the world, but she isn’t a pansy. What I mean by this is that she will stand up for herself and defend herself.  She doesn’t allow herself to be mistreated by any other dog.  Something I have learned from her about dealing with people.                       

Our bond is priceless as she has graced my life. We can look into each other’s eyes and see how much love and understanding we have for each other. I believe when she licks my skin or kisses my face she is able to detect what is happening to me. I know that when I have taken needed medications, she has been known to lick my skin and knows it has been absorbed into my system. It is clear to me that she then stops worrying about me. I love watching everything about her: the way she trots, how her little tail wags fast and her bum follows when she is happy, how she taps my thigh with her paw, then looks at me as if to say “I want a treat now!”

We have some set routines.   Every night she asks for her dessert, which I call “Wessert.” She will start grumbling in a low whinny cry, looking at me and telling me she wants more treats. At times she rest her head on the couch and then looks up at me with those adorable brown eyes, and it works every time,  She gets more wessert. We have another thing we say, and that is “Do you want something!” in this odd tone and she get excited and woofs “yes.”


I have spent the last year and half that I have had with telling her at night after she has crawled up on my chest. While she is kissing me I would share with her our whole life story from day one to the present. She would soak it up and I would did too.


Hayliegh’s World

November 4, 2012


My steadfast companion.


                                 Hayliegh Is Working

I can hardly believe it Hayliegh is still by side and takes her job seriously. Over the years I started to notice behaviors associated with my condition.  She instinctively knows, before I do, if a migraine is going to hit. She won’t let me out the front door if I need medication. She knows when my fibromyalgia is affecting my back; she will stand between me and others to protect my back until my medication has kicked in. While out and about when fibromyalgia is already flared up, she does a look by facing forward then turning back to me. Then she stands right near me and looks away from people, as if to say “I am working right now.”  If my stomach is going to be attacked while I am out in public, she will become stubborn and unruly, and by this I understand she is telling me we have to leave. If I stay and don’t listen to her I end up on the floor or doubled over in pain.  I have to get medication in me right away because my stomach starts with acute and severe pain.  One time she even showed my therapist that I had a severe back injury. She dragged her back legs into the patient room when we went in to talk.  We both looked at each other and asked “Did you see that!” because Hayliegh mimicked my injury.

Hayiegh’s World

April 8, 2011

Praying daily and now adding a new prayer to the list I have asked God to take Hayliegh sooner than later.  I pray that He take her so she doesn’t have to suffer as she has been such a good girl.  I have started to share w/ Hayliegh the freedom to let go.  I am sharing w/ her daily that when I cry it is because I love her and that I have been blessed to have her.  Whether at home or driving I talk to her and share w/ her the wonderful blessings she has given me like: Waking me up when I need medicine, keeping me from going out side when a migraine is going to hit, how she warns me when fibromyalgia is going to attack my stomach. 

I tell her daily that she is the best girl in town,  the prettiest girl in town and its love in the first degree. I love this expression as I go to a child like tone and drag out the last word and then say “You’re my partner in crime” and my friend Jori goes into the same child like voice and responds by saying “and you guys are criminals”     

I feel blessed to have this time to show her and remind her how special she is.   

SOMETHING different happened last night Hayliegh crawled up on my stomach put her paws at my chest and looked right into my eyes.  She wanted to kiss me and give me little love bit on my top lip as if to say  thank you for loving me.

It is love in the 1st degree WOOF!

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