What gives me hope?
My project/manuscript. I landed a publisher before I wrote my manuscript the publisher said I had two things title and content. He said there wasn’t anything on the market like my subject and it was badly needed both in the religious and secular communities. I spent two and a half years writing turned it in and waited. After our next meeting I was given the golden ticket of a life time they wanted it and they wanted me. I cried I got in my car w/ Hayliegh and cried. I had the most unbelievable gratefulness of gratitude to God for helping me carry out this assignment. After two years of waiting I got the unfortunate news that his company was going under. I knew he/publisher wanted the best for me and I know it hurt his heart to break the news to me. I was devastated and sad.
I think I had about a week or two of morning and feeling lost and hopeless. I realized I had to pulled myself up by my boot straps jumped on the band wagon and start studying queries & proposals (Q & P’s). Studying the Q & P’s was like reading a foreign language. I attended a lecture on how to get published. I found out a publisher wants a well-edited manuscript before looking at it. I thought an editor how and I going to find an editor much less pay for one? After six years and one day my hope felt pretty hopeless.
Then six years and 2 days later I woke up and found myself forging forward again in hope and prayer, I continued w/ my praying and surrendered it all to God I quote “I am powerless God I was kicked and got up, I was kicked again, and I was kicked and got up again. Now I am surrendering” I cont… “God this one is up to you you know I am disabled in the written form, so when it comes to editing I give it all to YOU .”
As the months went by I went to a friend and said I am not able to go any further and maybe this isn’t going to happen. I was so depressed as I questioned my hope again. What was odd is I would wake up the next day and found myself praying about my mission and repeating the prayer over and over.
One day I walked into a local store and an acquaintance friend saw me and inquired about my manuscript. I took a deep breath then shared w/ her all the details, the tribulations and my conversations w/ God. Then like the clouds parting to the heavens she said “I think I can help you.” She was able to worked w/ in my budget and we are presently working today. If you ask me today do I have do I still have hope?
I believe that I questioned hope because I have worked so hard and repeatedly came up against road blocks. Maybe the defeats that cause us to question hope can be paradoxically what brings hope alive?