What gives me hope? & what if anything makes me question hope and keep questioning my hope again?

What gives me hope?

My project/manuscript.  I landed a publisher before I wrote my manuscript the publisher said I had two things title and content.  He said there wasn’t anything on the market like my subject and it was badly needed both in the religious and secular communities.  I spent two and a half years writing turned it in and waited.  After our next meeting I was given the golden ticket of a life time they wanted it and they wanted me.  I cried I got in my car w/ Hayliegh and cried.  I had the most unbelievable gratefulness of gratitude to God for helping me carry out this assignment.  After two years of waiting I got the unfortunate news that his company was going under.  I knew he/publisher wanted the best for me and I know it hurt his heart to break the news to me.  I was devastated and sad.

   I think I had about a week or two of morning and feeling lost and hopeless. I realized I had to pulled myself up by my boot straps jumped on the band wagon and start studying queries & proposals  (Q & P’s).  Studying the Q & P’s was like reading a foreign language.  I attended a lecture on how to get published.  I found out a publisher wants a well-edited manuscript before looking at it.  I thought an editor how and I going to find an editor much less pay for one?   After six years and one day my hope felt pretty hopeless.    

   Then six years and 2 days later I woke up and found myself forging forward again in hope and prayer, I continued w/ my praying and surrendered it all to God I quote “I am powerless God I was kicked and got up, I was kicked again, and I was kicked and got up again.  Now I am surrendering”  I cont… “God this one is up to you you know I am disabled in the written form, so when it comes to editing I give it all to YOU .”

   As the months went by I went to a friend and said I am not able to go any further and maybe this isn’t going to happen. I was so depressed as I questioned my hope again.  What was odd is I would wake up the next day and found myself praying about my mission and repeating the prayer over and over. 

   One day I walked into a local store and an acquaintance friend saw me and inquired about my manuscript.  I took a deep breath then shared w/ her all the details, the tribulations and my conversations w/ God.   Then like the clouds parting to the heavens she said “I think I can help you.”   She was able to worked w/ in my budget and we are presently working today.  If you ask me today  do I have do I still have hope?


   I believe that I questioned hope because I have worked so hard and repeatedly came up against road blocks.  Maybe the defeats that cause us to question hope can be paradoxically what brings hope alive?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: